Maitabi

45 | Married | Author/Editor

I grew up in a defense estate amidst a cosmopolitan setup. Life was good and fair until many events turned everything upside down. I was 15 years old, then. It started with my cousin’s demise whom I was very close to. We as a family had never encountered grief of that magnitude before and it was difficult to deal with. For me, personally, it became a double whammy when my parents along with my brother left for native for three weeks to be with my uncle and aunt. I couldn’t join them as I was in 10th grade, preparing for my boards. Those three weeks were traumatic with me grappling with the aftermath of the demise and then no one around to share anything with. Though I was unable to process much then, but looking back I feel I never even told anyone how it felt losing my cousin, and what it did to me.

In the same year, I saw my maternal grandmother passing away along with two of my neighbours. It was also the year I had malaria five times, again a of which I grappled with alone as my parents were in a different city because of dad’s sudden transfer in the job front. Over the years, witnessing my family members suffering from critical diseases and untimely death became a norm around. I lost my uncle to brain cancer, my brother-in-law to Covid, and saw a friend’s wife die in a freak brain stroke. To add to all that last year, my husband’s close friend passed away, a brain stroke, leaving behind a three-year-old. I stood in the ICU with his wife when they turned off the ventilator, a sight that still haunts me till today. And perhaps will stay with me forever. 

My life has been navigating grief and loss in a way. These experiences have left me with a sense of perpetual fear, anxiety, and a constant reminder of how unpredictable life can be. My psychiatrist once told me that my brain has undergone a chemical change, and so the reason why I behaved in a certain way to some triggers. However, amidst all the ebb and flow, I never stopped living. I constantly strived to address my issues and look for solutions, so that I raise my kids confidently, and live happily.